Mr. Dater, I love the Avs and I love your coverage. But more than anything, I love people. I’m a pastor of a small church in Boulder, and I spend time talking to people about many of the very conversations and questions you have about God. My heart’s desire is for you to know there is hope in Jesus Christ, and if you would ever like to have any of those conversations with me, I wouldn’t hesitate to meet you anywhere, anytime—to listen to your questions and concerns, and to give you the best answers the Lord gives us in His Word. I am praying for you my friend.
I admire your sharing AD. There is a community of people that support you and root for you. Allow yourself to feel that and let’s all look forward to looking back at this time as another challenge overcome. Cheers to you sir.
I really loved to read that you do have people to lean on, particularly even the old players (some of us like me don't have that, AD). And that's the main thing. Make sure you have people to speak to. Make sure you try and lean on your lovely wife.
Don't end up like me, completely isolated and alone. Try and differentiate who your real friends and support is. I've been in that position you were in that nice hotel room the last couple of years, and honestly, if I had more courage or strength, I'd have been able to do something about it. It's just I'm so pathetic, I can't. I've actually been researching morphine overdoses - apparently 350mg's does the job.
What upsets and frustrates me, is that society doesn't cater for men generally in my opinion in a mental health capacity. People online aren't real and don't really care. You may be married, but that may be part of the problem and there are walls / people don't listen.
I wish I believed in God or a higher power. If there is one, the entity is truly trolling me.
That said, I'm sounding kind of selfish. This is about you mate. I'm just trying to say that others are struggling too, and it's in that I hope you can get some empathy. We just want to feel reassured, valued and supported. I hope you are getting that mate, I truly do.
You know I'm your favorite Aussie supporter (always subscribing to whatever you work on), writing to the Denver Post about you (not sure you remember) etc. I really appreciate the value add you provide to me, and my passion in our AVS. You're a good fella. Always back yourself mate. Always.
This is your platform. Yes, you're a sports writer, but this is your platform, and it's up to you what you choose to share with us. I personally love all aspects of your writing... not only on the team, but knowing about whom I choose to follow for my Avs news.
I can empathize with how you are feeling. You are NOT alone, and I think if more folks were open and honest, you'd be surprised how many people are struggling similarly with you. That being said, most keep these kinds of things to themselves, packing it all down, so no one ever really knows about everyone else they pass on the street. You are NOT alone, and you are far from the only person to struggle with these things.
I can't tell you how to find your peace. No one can. I was worse off earlier in my life, and I've found a great measure of my own peace. I used to be angry, combative, and seethe on the inside. I rarely do these days, though, but I can still have my moments. I can say though that everything in life is cyclical. Everything. Wealth, real estate, fashion, what offends others, what others are okay with. Hang in there, and keep looking for your own peace, and it will eventually come. Doesn't help getting you through the now-times, but the future-times will be better.
We're rooting for you. Stay safe, and know you're NOT alone.
As others have noted, you have demonstrated bravery in sharing your struggle with all of us in a public forum. I have, am, and always will, deal with similar issues related to my childhood that were only exacerbated and added on to by some of my experiences in the military. Not everyone makes it through to improvement, and even some of those who do fall back. But something tells me you have, as the expression goes, a rod of iron running through your core, and you will make it through to a better place. Personally, as a non-expert but semi-expert sufferer, I think the beginning is learning to let go through enjoying the things that are not inextricably intertwined with our inner difficulties...in your case, your family and your writing would certainly seem to be ready-made for that purpose. Staying focused on the other and, while being aware of but leaving alone the inner dragons is what can allow the great healer - time - to work whatever magic it will (which I don't think is magical at all, but just reaching that hard to believe point that most certainly can exist where you simply say "It's okay. I'm okay. Whatever has happened, this is who I am, this is where I"m at, this is what matters to me, and this is the direction I'm going to point in that hopefully will lead to someplace I'd like to find..."). No matter what, don't give up...you have seen that many of us have not, and will not, give up on you (in many cases I'm sure - and I"m one of them - because we selfishly enjoy your work so much and say "That's a dude I'd like to sit at a bar and watch Game 7 with...or just shoot the...")...little steps...actively seeking out what you feel good about so that you can turn off that (I infer) 140+ IQ that sometimes results in too much thinking/dwelling...in the military they taught us during rifle marksmanship a mantra - "Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast"...I think now that it applies, in modified form, to a lot of things, kind of fellow traveler with the Goldilocks "The one in the middle is just right" effect...little steps big man...you will get there.
I’m sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time. I’ve followed you since I lived in the Denver area in 1996 and I love your coverage. I’ve dealt with quite a bit of depression and health issues in my life and the three biggest things that get me through each day are my family, my Catholic faith and just going to work and getting through each day. Take care and you will get through this!
I know I am just some random guy on the internet but I figured I would reach out. I have been reading your Avalanche coverage since day 1 when I was a middle school kid back in 1995. Heck, I would say you might be the first "adult" writer that I ever really paid attention to in my life. You have been my go to source for Avalanche coverage for their entire existence. I have always appreciated your honest takes on the team and even to this day I compare any and all sports media to your work. There are far too many cheerleaders following various teams that will blow sunshine up our collective asses regardless of what is going on with the team.
As I have "grown up" I have always found myself pulling for you throughout the glimpses we have seen of your life. I guess I just want to give as genuine of a thank you as is possible through this medium and that I am once again hoping for nothing but the best for you.
And really, if you want to step outside of your usual circle, I would happy to sit down and have a coffee with you some time. Take care Mr. Dater!
More people need to leave their pride behind and share situations like this. I’m guessing a high percentage of individuals in our society have struggles on a daily basis, but don’t open up. Life is full of highs and lows for sure. Sometimes lows can feel like no way out, but there always is a way out. Look how just a few weeks ago one door closed and a new one opened. There’s many new doors left to open up.
What an amazing thing for you to share this story of your feelings with us! I am reading it really really slow, not wanting to reach the end for fear of what I might discover - like AD hangin’ em up to work in Time Share sales (again!) or something, or saying “ya know, this Substack thing SEEMED like a good idea . . .”
But this isn’t about me and my reliance on all things Avs served up by Adrian Dater, this is about you Adrian. Just know that I, for one, and I know many others who followed you here or will do so soon, hold you in very high esteem! Not just for your Avalanche knowledge but your honesty and openness, and the fact you’ve gone so many places, met so many people, seen so many things more than us average guys, yet that’s just who you are - an average guy like us! We can relate to you, and hopefully you being able to share from the heart like this helps you, and that you can connect with readers who have a penchant for helping people sort things out, or others who have gone through similar situations and can offer encouragement, much like Jonesie did all those years ago! It doesn’t have to be totally about hockey!
Ok so I wrote the above partway through, much like a sportswriter who has the game story ready to go, barring major reversals or minor tweaks before being rushed to press! On to the rest of your post.
Wow, what a great second half and happy (for me) ending. You’re not going anywhere! /Selfishness off. Seriously, I am amazed at your ability to analyze your problems over the years, make changes and course corrections, each time coming out a better person. Take your relationship with God a step-at-a-time, there is a lot of reading material out there including in the category of “why do bad things happen to good people?”
I, and I believe, other readers will be praying for you as you work through things and possibly cultivate your relationship with God, so that you also have help from someone much wiser and smarter than your readers. (if you ask me, He’s been helping you already!)
Thanks for the heartfelt, honest accounting of what you’re going through. Again, channeling Jonesie, whose words are still as relevant, helpful and uplifting as they were back then: “you’ll get through this” Adrian. And God bless!
I will be there for you and always talk! I talk to couple of counselors a month and the have helped me immensely . Do not be afraid to reach out my friend.
I don’t know what depression feels like, surely that’s not what I’m going thru.. nausea, weight loss, headaches, extreme malaise, neck and back pain. I feel like I’m dying. I almost want to, though. I’ve had similar anxieties as you described. When something good happens to me, I begin to stress about coming down with a bad disease that will snatch up my new found good fortunes. I currently feel so terrible, I don’t care if I had a cancer or some other terrible disease, I’d be relieved. I’d be relieved to know that there is a concrete reason for why I feel so sick and tired all the time. I don’t know what to do. I was always tall and skinny, too. Only recently did I put on some weight. Those gains evaporated within the last year. I’m 30 pounds lighter and I feel like I’m melting away. I have the worst anxiety about going to the doctor, I’m not scared of hospitals I just hate the feeling of being so vulnerable and asking for help.
You my friend really need to go to the doctors. My husband won’t go either — you’re a guy, right? Macho, don’t need no freaking doctor!! You do!! Just put on NextDoor where you live & ask for kind female doctor or friendly easy clinic. 😍 please
Man I’m hesitant to comment here. Don’t want to evangelize and I’m also pretty shy too. But I keep thinking about it. Just want to say that I love the avs. I live in the Bay Area now but your reporting is one of those things that has always helped me feel connected to my home. I have been through some tough stuff, divorce, depression, but I’ve been so blessed to have a strong faith throughout my life. I heard someone say something about hope recently. Hope is believing that everything we experience in life is preparing us for something better. I’ve grown over the years to trust that through the atonement of Jesus, this really is possible. Though it’s not always easy and it’s not always immediate, that trust has brought me profound peace.
I guess I’m just saying that I know that it’s possible to find peace and hope, or at least that’s been my experience. Wishing all the best for you in your search.
I’m a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (aka Mormons). In case you might be interested, I could arrange to have someone meet with you. (bensabey@gmail.com)
AD you are a very good writer and reporter. I always follow you when it comes to anything about the Avalanche! Sounds like you were traumatized while growing up and most people like myself have similar experiences from abuse or historical trauma. You are right on, the only way out is through and you are doing the hard work. There is a lot to be said for your courage to face your issues. Some folks never do and utilize substances or other behaviors to numb out. Maybe practice giving yourself credit and for being vulnerable. It takes time to heal and sometimes all our life we are on this journey. Be still and listen to your inner voice. I believe that is the Creator who loves me despite my past transgressions. You can then come to forgive yourself, then you can forgive others. You are not alone. Hang in there brother, it is the journey that counts. I used to think I had to get to the finish line but it's really an ongoing journey. I don't know if I am making any sense but I am healing everyday I believe. GO AVS!!!!!
Thanks for writing this AD. I’ve seen your tweets recently and have been concerned about you. It’s funny, like a number of others who commented, I’m sort of the reading equivalent of a “long time listener, first time caller”. I’ve read your Avs coverage for years, paid attention to your interviews, read your tweets & articles, subscribed to CHN when you started that, and then followed you here to Substack when you made the switch. As a result of consuming your writing for years, in a weird way I feel like I kind of know you even though we’ve never met. So when you sent out a couple of tweets talking about being in a dark place, I was worried and wondered if there was anything I could do to help.
One thing I’ve really enjoyed recently is when you open up the chats during a game. Despite my being a season ticket holder for more than two decades, my wife has never caught the hockey bug, so chatting with you & other Avs fans during the game has been amazing. Within a couple of games, you created a community where fans like me can be more than just consumers, but we can interact with you and each other, celebrate goals & other plays, express frustrations when things aren’t going well, speculate on possible trades or ruminate on missing pieces, and just kind of digitally “hang out” with each other during a game.
Not sure where I’m going with all of this, other than to say that your readers care about you. Personally, I admire your self-awareness & ability to reflect on your experiences and how they shaped (& continue to shape) your behavior & mental health. It took courage to write this and to be vulnerable today, and I want you to know that it’s okay to not be okay. We all go through dark times, and I’m really sorry that you are struggling right now. I sincerely hope that you find peace, understanding, and the support you need. I don’t have any formal mental health training, I’m not a therapist or a pastor, and as I mentioned earlier, we’ve never met, but I am someone who cares about you and wants you to find your way into a happier, brighter place.
Pulling for you, and praying for you! Keep grinding man; ultimately things will get better.
Mr. Dater, I love the Avs and I love your coverage. But more than anything, I love people. I’m a pastor of a small church in Boulder, and I spend time talking to people about many of the very conversations and questions you have about God. My heart’s desire is for you to know there is hope in Jesus Christ, and if you would ever like to have any of those conversations with me, I wouldn’t hesitate to meet you anywhere, anytime—to listen to your questions and concerns, and to give you the best answers the Lord gives us in His Word. I am praying for you my friend.
I would like to talk more to someone like you. Please email me at adater@comcast.net
Thank you Kristi. I’ll try to battle through
I admire your sharing AD. There is a community of people that support you and root for you. Allow yourself to feel that and let’s all look forward to looking back at this time as another challenge overcome. Cheers to you sir.
I really loved to read that you do have people to lean on, particularly even the old players (some of us like me don't have that, AD). And that's the main thing. Make sure you have people to speak to. Make sure you try and lean on your lovely wife.
Don't end up like me, completely isolated and alone. Try and differentiate who your real friends and support is. I've been in that position you were in that nice hotel room the last couple of years, and honestly, if I had more courage or strength, I'd have been able to do something about it. It's just I'm so pathetic, I can't. I've actually been researching morphine overdoses - apparently 350mg's does the job.
What upsets and frustrates me, is that society doesn't cater for men generally in my opinion in a mental health capacity. People online aren't real and don't really care. You may be married, but that may be part of the problem and there are walls / people don't listen.
I wish I believed in God or a higher power. If there is one, the entity is truly trolling me.
That said, I'm sounding kind of selfish. This is about you mate. I'm just trying to say that others are struggling too, and it's in that I hope you can get some empathy. We just want to feel reassured, valued and supported. I hope you are getting that mate, I truly do.
You know I'm your favorite Aussie supporter (always subscribing to whatever you work on), writing to the Denver Post about you (not sure you remember) etc. I really appreciate the value add you provide to me, and my passion in our AVS. You're a good fella. Always back yourself mate. Always.
You take care too my lovely Aussie friend. Find new friends & people to lean on. You care about Dater & I care about you 😍
Hey Dater!
This is your platform. Yes, you're a sports writer, but this is your platform, and it's up to you what you choose to share with us. I personally love all aspects of your writing... not only on the team, but knowing about whom I choose to follow for my Avs news.
I can empathize with how you are feeling. You are NOT alone, and I think if more folks were open and honest, you'd be surprised how many people are struggling similarly with you. That being said, most keep these kinds of things to themselves, packing it all down, so no one ever really knows about everyone else they pass on the street. You are NOT alone, and you are far from the only person to struggle with these things.
I can't tell you how to find your peace. No one can. I was worse off earlier in my life, and I've found a great measure of my own peace. I used to be angry, combative, and seethe on the inside. I rarely do these days, though, but I can still have my moments. I can say though that everything in life is cyclical. Everything. Wealth, real estate, fashion, what offends others, what others are okay with. Hang in there, and keep looking for your own peace, and it will eventually come. Doesn't help getting you through the now-times, but the future-times will be better.
We're rooting for you. Stay safe, and know you're NOT alone.
AD
As others have noted, you have demonstrated bravery in sharing your struggle with all of us in a public forum. I have, am, and always will, deal with similar issues related to my childhood that were only exacerbated and added on to by some of my experiences in the military. Not everyone makes it through to improvement, and even some of those who do fall back. But something tells me you have, as the expression goes, a rod of iron running through your core, and you will make it through to a better place. Personally, as a non-expert but semi-expert sufferer, I think the beginning is learning to let go through enjoying the things that are not inextricably intertwined with our inner difficulties...in your case, your family and your writing would certainly seem to be ready-made for that purpose. Staying focused on the other and, while being aware of but leaving alone the inner dragons is what can allow the great healer - time - to work whatever magic it will (which I don't think is magical at all, but just reaching that hard to believe point that most certainly can exist where you simply say "It's okay. I'm okay. Whatever has happened, this is who I am, this is where I"m at, this is what matters to me, and this is the direction I'm going to point in that hopefully will lead to someplace I'd like to find..."). No matter what, don't give up...you have seen that many of us have not, and will not, give up on you (in many cases I'm sure - and I"m one of them - because we selfishly enjoy your work so much and say "That's a dude I'd like to sit at a bar and watch Game 7 with...or just shoot the...")...little steps...actively seeking out what you feel good about so that you can turn off that (I infer) 140+ IQ that sometimes results in too much thinking/dwelling...in the military they taught us during rifle marksmanship a mantra - "Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast"...I think now that it applies, in modified form, to a lot of things, kind of fellow traveler with the Goldilocks "The one in the middle is just right" effect...little steps big man...you will get there.
I’m sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time. I’ve followed you since I lived in the Denver area in 1996 and I love your coverage. I’ve dealt with quite a bit of depression and health issues in my life and the three biggest things that get me through each day are my family, my Catholic faith and just going to work and getting through each day. Take care and you will get through this!
Depression sucks man. I know because I went through one myself...for 6 years. Not fun. Stay strong Adrian.
I know I am just some random guy on the internet but I figured I would reach out. I have been reading your Avalanche coverage since day 1 when I was a middle school kid back in 1995. Heck, I would say you might be the first "adult" writer that I ever really paid attention to in my life. You have been my go to source for Avalanche coverage for their entire existence. I have always appreciated your honest takes on the team and even to this day I compare any and all sports media to your work. There are far too many cheerleaders following various teams that will blow sunshine up our collective asses regardless of what is going on with the team.
As I have "grown up" I have always found myself pulling for you throughout the glimpses we have seen of your life. I guess I just want to give as genuine of a thank you as is possible through this medium and that I am once again hoping for nothing but the best for you.
And really, if you want to step outside of your usual circle, I would happy to sit down and have a coffee with you some time. Take care Mr. Dater!
More people need to leave their pride behind and share situations like this. I’m guessing a high percentage of individuals in our society have struggles on a daily basis, but don’t open up. Life is full of highs and lows for sure. Sometimes lows can feel like no way out, but there always is a way out. Look how just a few weeks ago one door closed and a new one opened. There’s many new doors left to open up.
What an amazing thing for you to share this story of your feelings with us! I am reading it really really slow, not wanting to reach the end for fear of what I might discover - like AD hangin’ em up to work in Time Share sales (again!) or something, or saying “ya know, this Substack thing SEEMED like a good idea . . .”
But this isn’t about me and my reliance on all things Avs served up by Adrian Dater, this is about you Adrian. Just know that I, for one, and I know many others who followed you here or will do so soon, hold you in very high esteem! Not just for your Avalanche knowledge but your honesty and openness, and the fact you’ve gone so many places, met so many people, seen so many things more than us average guys, yet that’s just who you are - an average guy like us! We can relate to you, and hopefully you being able to share from the heart like this helps you, and that you can connect with readers who have a penchant for helping people sort things out, or others who have gone through similar situations and can offer encouragement, much like Jonesie did all those years ago! It doesn’t have to be totally about hockey!
Ok so I wrote the above partway through, much like a sportswriter who has the game story ready to go, barring major reversals or minor tweaks before being rushed to press! On to the rest of your post.
Wow, what a great second half and happy (for me) ending. You’re not going anywhere! /Selfishness off. Seriously, I am amazed at your ability to analyze your problems over the years, make changes and course corrections, each time coming out a better person. Take your relationship with God a step-at-a-time, there is a lot of reading material out there including in the category of “why do bad things happen to good people?”
I, and I believe, other readers will be praying for you as you work through things and possibly cultivate your relationship with God, so that you also have help from someone much wiser and smarter than your readers. (if you ask me, He’s been helping you already!)
Thanks for the heartfelt, honest accounting of what you’re going through. Again, channeling Jonesie, whose words are still as relevant, helpful and uplifting as they were back then: “you’ll get through this” Adrian. And God bless!
AD
I will be there for you and always talk! I talk to couple of counselors a month and the have helped me immensely . Do not be afraid to reach out my friend.
Chris
I don’t know what depression feels like, surely that’s not what I’m going thru.. nausea, weight loss, headaches, extreme malaise, neck and back pain. I feel like I’m dying. I almost want to, though. I’ve had similar anxieties as you described. When something good happens to me, I begin to stress about coming down with a bad disease that will snatch up my new found good fortunes. I currently feel so terrible, I don’t care if I had a cancer or some other terrible disease, I’d be relieved. I’d be relieved to know that there is a concrete reason for why I feel so sick and tired all the time. I don’t know what to do. I was always tall and skinny, too. Only recently did I put on some weight. Those gains evaporated within the last year. I’m 30 pounds lighter and I feel like I’m melting away. I have the worst anxiety about going to the doctor, I’m not scared of hospitals I just hate the feeling of being so vulnerable and asking for help.
You my friend really need to go to the doctors. My husband won’t go either — you’re a guy, right? Macho, don’t need no freaking doctor!! You do!! Just put on NextDoor where you live & ask for kind female doctor or friendly easy clinic. 😍 please
Man I’m hesitant to comment here. Don’t want to evangelize and I’m also pretty shy too. But I keep thinking about it. Just want to say that I love the avs. I live in the Bay Area now but your reporting is one of those things that has always helped me feel connected to my home. I have been through some tough stuff, divorce, depression, but I’ve been so blessed to have a strong faith throughout my life. I heard someone say something about hope recently. Hope is believing that everything we experience in life is preparing us for something better. I’ve grown over the years to trust that through the atonement of Jesus, this really is possible. Though it’s not always easy and it’s not always immediate, that trust has brought me profound peace.
I guess I’m just saying that I know that it’s possible to find peace and hope, or at least that’s been my experience. Wishing all the best for you in your search.
Thanks Ben. Hope is what I need too. And, peace. I “hope” to get both
I’m a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (aka Mormons). In case you might be interested, I could arrange to have someone meet with you. (bensabey@gmail.com)
AD you are a very good writer and reporter. I always follow you when it comes to anything about the Avalanche! Sounds like you were traumatized while growing up and most people like myself have similar experiences from abuse or historical trauma. You are right on, the only way out is through and you are doing the hard work. There is a lot to be said for your courage to face your issues. Some folks never do and utilize substances or other behaviors to numb out. Maybe practice giving yourself credit and for being vulnerable. It takes time to heal and sometimes all our life we are on this journey. Be still and listen to your inner voice. I believe that is the Creator who loves me despite my past transgressions. You can then come to forgive yourself, then you can forgive others. You are not alone. Hang in there brother, it is the journey that counts. I used to think I had to get to the finish line but it's really an ongoing journey. I don't know if I am making any sense but I am healing everyday I believe. GO AVS!!!!!
Thanks for writing this AD. I’ve seen your tweets recently and have been concerned about you. It’s funny, like a number of others who commented, I’m sort of the reading equivalent of a “long time listener, first time caller”. I’ve read your Avs coverage for years, paid attention to your interviews, read your tweets & articles, subscribed to CHN when you started that, and then followed you here to Substack when you made the switch. As a result of consuming your writing for years, in a weird way I feel like I kind of know you even though we’ve never met. So when you sent out a couple of tweets talking about being in a dark place, I was worried and wondered if there was anything I could do to help.
One thing I’ve really enjoyed recently is when you open up the chats during a game. Despite my being a season ticket holder for more than two decades, my wife has never caught the hockey bug, so chatting with you & other Avs fans during the game has been amazing. Within a couple of games, you created a community where fans like me can be more than just consumers, but we can interact with you and each other, celebrate goals & other plays, express frustrations when things aren’t going well, speculate on possible trades or ruminate on missing pieces, and just kind of digitally “hang out” with each other during a game.
Not sure where I’m going with all of this, other than to say that your readers care about you. Personally, I admire your self-awareness & ability to reflect on your experiences and how they shaped (& continue to shape) your behavior & mental health. It took courage to write this and to be vulnerable today, and I want you to know that it’s okay to not be okay. We all go through dark times, and I’m really sorry that you are struggling right now. I sincerely hope that you find peace, understanding, and the support you need. I don’t have any formal mental health training, I’m not a therapist or a pastor, and as I mentioned earlier, we’ve never met, but I am someone who cares about you and wants you to find your way into a happier, brighter place.
Pulling for you, and praying for you! Keep grinding man; ultimately things will get better.
Thanks Doc. I’ll do the chats again, probably with the games this weekend. I have to do things that make me happier, and that’s one of them